Speaking of Fucking Up

A close friend of mine who is traveling and being brave made a short stop in London very recently before she continues on Contiki tour to Ireland. I managed to catch her on remote online messenger and chat and such like, wherein she told me that she attempted to call the previous night, but no one answered. I felt bad about this, a) because she tried to call and was let down and b) because I really really would have loved to hear from her and hence I now feel let down. This was 11 pm Melbourne time, 2 30ish pm London time when we got to chat msn style and I heard about this.

I told her, hey you should call again when you've gotten back from your internet cafe to the motel you're at, seeing as you are leaving for Ireland in about 20 hours. She promised she would. I went to bed at this point, but I should point out that this was only to thoroughly establish the setting of being snug in my bed in the dark while it rained when I got to talk voice-to-voice with my friend on the other side of the world. I had no intention of falling the fuck asleep. I thought, even if I do fall asleep, the handset is right next to me, it's ring will wake me up.

The next thing I knew it was five thirty in the morning, which would have been about 8 in the evening in London. I can only assume she rang... and no one answered. My excuse, which is that I fell asleep, is really quite poor. I did, after all, implore some one to ring me and then not answer the phone, even if it was due to unconsciousness. But I had no way of telling her that. I left a bunch of messages for her at various internet locations explaining and apologizing. As of now I don't believe she had the time to go on the internet to read any of them.

After three hours of sleeplessness, at about 8 30, I got showered and dressed and wandered up to the tram stop to go to uni, which begins at 10. I was there til two. There were delays with trams and buses which meant I didn't get home til three. I was there for maybe an hour, checking internet and phone. Nothing. Then I was whisked away to various band related functions that kept me out until fifteen minutes ago (20 past 10 at night, for those keeping track). At one of these band functions, I will mention I ran into a mutual friend of this mysterious traveling girl who told me she was rung up on the telephone by her earlier in the day (while i was out doing fucking band shit), and that at the time of the call she was at the airport, going to Ireland.

When I got home, I found a message on the machine that was about 4 seconds of silence and then a hang up. It was left at quarter to six (while I was out doing fucking band shit) and its almost impossible that it wasn't my friend in London. So now, not only have fate and I cheated myself out of something which I really wanted - talking with close friend, finding out how she is, how Europe was, how she's feeling - but have no choice but to consider it from her point of view - She rang three times and got no answer on any of them, including a call that I solicited quite strongly. What must she think?

So now I'm thinking thoughts a little along the lines of

fuckfucketyfuckingfuckedfucktardfuckingfuckFUCKFUCK!

and hoping that she's feeling better than me, cuz I feel positively awful.

I really did want to talk to her.